Learning to trust is often the most difficult part of deciding to have a relationship again, either because you were unfaithful or because you felt betrayed after the breakup. The truth is that you have left a good or bad relationship at the end you feel that you must rethink your whole philosophy of love. But if you are really willing to try again (with a little work), it is possible to trust again.
Even if you do not want to relive past relationships, you can actually use those experiences to keep them from affecting future ones.
These are the tips and strategies for you to learn to trust again.
Do not see your past experiences as a burden:
We all have past relationships that influence us. Use yours to identify values and expectations that are important to you in a relationship, and be sure to communicate them to your partner loud and clear!
But be realistic, just because you have been hurt in the past does not mean you can have unreasonable jealousy or that you need to be constantly comforted.
Clearance and new account:
Some people tend to put their current partner to pay for their ex ‘broken’ dishes. That is why it is important to leave the past behind. But it is also crucial to learn to compare and counteract the evidence. With a new partner, you must re-identify what are true warning signs.
Identify the patterns:
We do not say it, it is by nature, our brain is oriented to look for what is familiar, even without us noticing. If you are constantly attracted to the “bad guys”, consider analyzing your past and maybe you will find an unresolved story. In such a case, return to the scene of the crime and look for the answers, it is the only solution to achieve your happy ending.
Understanding your past can help avoid harmful patterns.
Rate if they are worthy of your trust:
Before launching into a relationship, make sure your new boy is truly worthy of your trust. If your most trusted sources such as your best friend or your mom do not give you “a good thorn”, listen to them, they may be right.
And if you still can not be completely sure, do not hurry. Take your time to get to know it and let yourself be guided by your instinct.
As strange as it may seem, to trust someone you need to have all the information and verify it! How are your friends? His family? His work? What do people think of him? How does it unfold in different contexts? Is it reliable in other types of relationships: friendship, family, professional?
Also, analyze yourself, are you carrying the weight of past relationships? Are you giving him a fair chance?
Although you may not have all the answers right now, it’s key to keep them in mind and decipher them along the way. The important thing is that you are seeing the relationship with objective eyes and not blindly.
Watch the communication:
Knowing when it’s time to talk about your ex (or his) is one of the challenges that every new relationship must overcome. But it is one of the best ways to make your boy understand what goes on in your head.
Make sure to maintain a respectful communication and create a genuine, authentic and honest space in which they can share, listen and internalize what each one has to say/listen. Although this may take a little time, it really makes a difference in the long term.
Although often after being betrayed, it is very difficult for us to trust the other person, above all, it is difficult for us to trust ourselves. In most cases we are punished for not having noticed the warning signs, the indications that something was happening, or worse, we are responsible for their bad behavior – “maybe I was not enough for him”, “It’s just that I did not pay enough attention”, does that sound like it?
But if you continue like this, with these doubts, you will never be able to trust your partner, because the process begins with you. Maybe at the moment what you need is to learn to be alone, and happy.
If you have problems handling negative emotions related to your past experiences, it is best to talk to a professional. They can help you develop strategies to handle difficult situations or feelings that may arise and teach you how to have a healthy relationship.